As a child, I was digitally raped. It has affe
Written by
bush_baby
29. Apr 2004 11:45 AM
As a child, I was digitally raped.
It has affected me really badly.
I wanted this to be some kind of support group for people who had gone through similar horrors.
I feel so alone, even though I know others have had similar things happen.
Please post.
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What do you mean by digitally? When I was
Written by
Princess_Me
29. Apr 2004 12:45 PM
What do you mean by digitally?
When I was a child (I don´´t remember how old), a family friend had a daughter who was a year older than me. She took me out the back one day to "play". I blocked it out for years, and then all of sudden dreamed about it one day.
Then, when I was 16 I was living out of home with my sister (as my father was a horrible person) and I went to a party and got so drunk I had no idea what I was doing. I ended up in the bushes passed out, and when I came to, there was a guy trying to have sex with me. He didn´´t go to my school, but he told everyone horrible stories about me. I ended up leaving soon after.
Now, I hate sex.... it makes me feel yukky. This impacts my entire relationship with my BF. Although he knows that it has nothing to do with him, the fact that I don´´t want it makes him feel unattractive and unwanted. I try to make up for it in other ways, but its just not the same.
That is why I am waiting for the psych assessment, so I can try and overcome my problems and go back to a time when I actually liked it and had fun with it.
Your not alone bush baby, we are all here for you.
Sometimes I feel really silly for letting it effect me the way it does. I know that there are people out there who have been through so much worse and cope so much better. It feels like I don´´t really have a right to be so messed up over something that really didn´´t effect me much at the time.
Stay strong everyone :)
xxox-
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bush baby & princess me - hello You both have
Written by
Anonymous
29. Apr 2004 01:09 PM
bush baby & princess me - hello
You both have every right to feel the way you do so please don´´t punish yourselves by thinking otherwise.
You have suffered from that day til this.
When you were children your innocence was taken away from you by those around you whom you trusted so much.
How can you ever trust again those so dear to you, and yet somehow you both have learned to do just that by posting here.
Yes it has screwed with your mind over the years & put you through terrible thoughts & emotions that you otherwise should not have experienced.
Your mind & body helped you survive by introducing depression which has lead you towards other challenges in your lives.
Please continue seeking help in whatver form it takes & what works this week might not work so well next week but that in itself will provide you with inner strength, something you both have and will contiue to develop. It all takes painfull time I know.
Thankyou so much for your personal thoughts. Take care
If sleeping is a problem I have posted in the insomnia section where u found this post
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The way cops name things is complicated. It´´s all
Written by
bush_baby
4. May 2004 12:06 PM
The way cops name things is complicated. It´´s all so technical and confusing. By digitally, I mean, it was a finger, but other than that it was the same.
I can´´t really explain much more. I can´´t handle detail. Thank you for your posting princessme and blackdogblue.
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Busy baby, I am a member of the Independate surviv
Written by
Bella
7. May 2004 04:26 AM
Busy baby, I am a member of the Independate survivors support group which deals specifically with child sex abuse.
If you´´d like to join please go to http://groups.msn.com/toughcookies
The group is a really supportive bunch and has been extremely helpful in discussing the very problems you face with having to deal with the effects of child sex abuse.
Hope to see you there soon.
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hi busy baby i to was a child abuse suvivor
Written by
sparrow51
13. Jun 2004 10:17 PM
hi busy baby
i to was a child abuse suvivor so a victim is not the word i use because i surrived i am now old in my fifties and am so glad i got to an age where i can see things differently its not easy but got ahead not back
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Hello to all - This is such deep topic and so hard
Written by
Ren
12. Aug 2004 04:10 PM
Hello to all - This is such deep topic and so hard to deal with. When I was 16 i was raped by MY best friends boyfriend. I told one person in confidence and before I knew it the whole town knew as well. I built myself up through councelling and trying to keep my mind active (didnt work to well). I had a child at 18 and 3 years later I was informed that while he had been in homecare (I was hit by a car and was unable to care for him) his carers son had been sexually assulting him.(he stayed there on and off for up to 2 years)
This was two years ago now, (and I had tried to take my own life several times until it hit me that I would be leaving my son to deal with his emotional baggage by himself as well as loosing his mum.) We sought regular councelling and I have found medication that works for me. But the biggest thing that helped me deal with it was I purchased a book and sat down and wrote down every thought I had, that had been floating around since I was 16. I got angry, upset, I swore and carried on - all in my book and when I was finished I put it in the fire and told all those who were emotional baggage in my life, that they no longer had a place in my life and burning the book reaffirmed that. Life isn´´t all rosey now but when I do have to face the demons they don´´t leave me such an emotional wreck. I hope that the same process may work for you all.
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I was continually raped by muy uncle for $ yrs whe
Written by
matilda
20. Aug 2004 02:09 PM
I was continually raped by muy uncle for $ yrs when i was 8 yrs old. In this time he took me to other mens houses and videoed them doing the same to me. He hit me all the time through sex, tied me up all die naked and blindfolded and sometimes even drugged me. I am an adult now and of course living this kind of life has effected me greatly however i will get past it as it is now MY life now and My choices. I can choose to cry and feel sorry for myself OR accept that this hapened to me and make the best out of the positives there is left in me. granted there arent many but no-one is going to tell me i am a victim!!! Im not a victim, Im not a surviver, I am ME, with all my problems, depression and nightmares. I dont need a label for me to grow and improve. i need a belief in myself that I am a good person and whatever has happened to me has only made me who I am today.
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I am so sorry that has happen to you. I flash back
Written by
Gizmo
6. Sep 2004 01:36 PM
I am so sorry that has happen to you. I flash back to my years of pain and I am so glad that you are in touch with people now to deal with this so soon. I think that writing your experiences down is a great idea, I also did that 15yrs later and I can not believe how it help me. I was 10 and it was a family friend, and I didn´´t tell any one for a number of years. My personal fall, was later in life when I confused love and sex down the road... which sounds wierd but it happened... witched caused many more problems(usually when I was drinking and upset about what I didn´´t deal with). I think dealing with you emotions as difficult as they are now will help you later in life. That is just one person opinion.
I cry to think that you are going though the same pain. No one should ever feel how that person made you feel. You are a much better person that that, no matter what. My thoughts are with you.
Gizmo
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I was sexually abused for 4 years starting from wh
Written by
little_jessie
19. Apr 2005 03:02 PM
I was sexually abused for 4 years starting from when i was 9 years old. by my stepfather. he was the only ´´father-figure´´ in my life and really the only male role in my life. from that i lost all trust in the male species and am bisexual with my preferance being girls. its strange really. i dont like to call my self a ´´victim of child abuse´´ i too am a survivor. it may have taken me 4 years to speak up about it, but i did and i am so glad i did but i feel terrible for my younger siblings who are still in the house with him. he is an angry person who is VERY abusive.
i liked the idea of writing down thoughts in a book whenever you´´re upset, mad, angry or whatever the case may be. sounds like it is great therapy and i think i just may try that.
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There are so many of us
Written by
mequal67
31. May 2006 05:04 PM
Hi Everyone from Binnie
Im now 41 and was sexually abused for years from my father. He took all the trust and innocence of my childhood away. For years i never relized the impact that he had put on me. It affected my relishopships in many ways from trust to i know this sounds strange but to the point i couldnt even sleep with my back to the door, i always had to sleep facing it (even now)as this way i could see him coming into the room. My self confidence well there wasnt any this is only a few ways he affected me. Then 2 years ago i met this fantastic guy and he pointed out that i needed help. I then started seeing my councilor (Jackie) shes great. It was because of her that i can not sleep with my back to a door, trust in males has improved and taught me that even tho i was abused in was wether it was sexually, mentally, physically were are all survivors. Jackie also game me a book called Emergence it is written by women of all ages that have survied abuse, women like you and I.
Be strong, dont blame yourself and get help as hard as it is to amit you meed it, you only have one life dont let the abuser control the rest of YOUR life, you take contol and beat them.
Love to All... Binnie
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I can so relate
Written by
peaches
27. Oct 2006 02:45 PM
When I was growing up I was abused from the age of 10 till about 14 and as mentioned about not being able to sleep with your back towards the door. I use to do this kind of crazy thing that might sound really strange to someone who has not experienced the same fear. I use to have a can of coke, that I would hide in my wardrobe during the day and at night I would bring it out. This can I had half filled with little gravel stones from the driveway. Anyway I would carefully balance this can on top of my bedroom door handle.
When the door would open in the night It would crash on to the floor and wake me up. Not that it did anything to stop the abuse, but it kind of gave me a sense or warning, those few seconds to prepare myself for enevitable.
Strange, yes, but it use to bring me amazing comfort to do this.
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I can so relate
Written by
peaches
27. Oct 2006 02:45 PM
When I was growing up I was abused from the age of 10 till about 14 and as mentioned about not being able to sleep with your back towards the door. I use to do this kind of crazy thing that might sound really strange to someone who has not experienced the same fear. I use to have a can of coke, that I would hide in my wardrobe during the day and at night I would bring it out. This can I had half filled with little gravel stones from the driveway. Anyway I would carefully balance this can on top of my bedroom door handle.
When the door would open in the night It would crash on to the floor and wake me up. Not that it did anything to stop the abuse, but it kind of gave me a sense or warning, those few seconds to prepare myself for enevitable.
Strange, yes, but it use to bring me amazing comfort to do this.
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