Help!!
Written by
juey
6. Aug 2007 02:23 PM
Hi,
My husband has suffered with depression since his teens (he's now 34). When we met 8 years ago, I had no understanding of depression and thought that he'd just had a run of bad luck in his life and naively thought that I could help turn his life around! We moved states and I gave up my job to support him through med school, and shortly after realised he needed medical help with his problems as I couldn't help him. (I was beside myself when he would threaten to kill himself!)
I have struggled so much since we married, and feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride. One day he is fine, the next he won't get out of bed. He hates his job, then wants to take on more hours to finance a move to a bigger house. He thinks he is worthless and a failure. To me he seems to be full of contradictions in his behaviour and attitudes. I have no way of convincing him of his positive attributes. All his peers and patients see his wonderful empathetic/friendly veneer, when he comes home I get the miserable part of him.
He has taken medication on and off for the past 6 years. He won't stick with it because of side effects. He won't seek counselling or therapy because he is a doctor in a country area and doesn't want everyone to know about his problems, although his own GP knows about it.
We have 3 young children. I feel as though living with him has turned me into a nervous wreck. I never know how he's going to be from one day to the next. I'm worried about what effect our life is going to have on the children. Yesterday, in a fit of rage after hearing the children fighting he threw a box of toys into the wall, then stormed out of the house. The kids were distressed and I am ashamed to say that part of me was hoping he wouldn't come home.
I've always thought of myself as emotionally resilient, but I feel like the neverending saga of my life with a depressed husband is sapping all my joy.
How do other partners deal with the endless negativity and drama?
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How do I manage with a husband with depression
Written by
lucybelle
8. Sep 2007 05:25 PM
Hi jeuy
I sympathise with you as I too have a husband who suffers with depression.
I am new to this site, and came on to learn how to cope. I think chatting with some one in the same position may help.
I have been married for 38 years and love my huband very much, but I too am beginning to feel down and I get teary.
My husband argues with me and shouts at me for no reason. I try very hard, but at times it is difficult. I sometimes shout back and I know that isn't helping.
I have a wonderful support group but they don't really understand about depression.
How do I learn to handle things
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you are not alone
Written by
chickenism
11. Oct 2007 01:55 AM
hey, i have the same probem, my partner has depression and anxiety and i dont really know how to deal with it and feel guilty when i have problems of my own. it is taking a negative toll on me and i already have so many other stressful things to worry about, and then i dont get to relax at home because i am walking on egg shells the whole time.
i get upset about it but dont feel like i can tell him about it because he makes me feel guilty and states that everything isnt about me.
my friends dont understand what i am going through either, even though they try.
-chickenism
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We're all in this together
Written by
Perthgirl
6. Nov 2007 10:23 PM
Hi all
Sounds like we all have similar problems but none of us know the answers.
It all sounds too familiar; reading your stories is like reading mu own diary. I can sometimes get yelled at for forgetting to put the bin out. But another day my partner will think it's funny that I forgot.
I never know what to expect - I feel like I am walking on a tightrope every day of my life, just barely clinging on.
My partner is refusing to go back on medication, and I am desparate to the point where I went to see my own GP for advice, and she referred me to this site for support and advice.
I must say it is comforting to know I am not the only one.
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OMG !
Written by
MissingYoU
13. Nov 2007 03:56 PM
Hello everyone:)
Reading your entries made me cringe, not only do l read it l physically feel it.
The skill of walking on egg shells is the most hardest thing :(
I truly feel your pain, and even though this site is in some way sad , it is so rewarding to my soul to find other people who unfortunately live the life.
Not saying its a HAPPY one , but l think you get what l mean.
The turn around is bad, l lost the plot and went off, again like yourself l heard the same words "It's all about ME"........
well guess what ...it is .
l need to breathe , live and be happy.
Sadly l look forward in chatting on here if for anything more then to vent and get true understanding.
We are special......never lose sight of that!
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I can totally relate
Written by
pjsm
3. Nov 2008 06:09 PM
Seems like we all have similar experiences. Sometimes it's like walking on eggshells and that wears me out emotionally. Today was a particularly bad day. I often feel shut down, numb. Does anyone else feel this way? Days go by and things are okay, then a miscommunication sends the wrong message and whoops here we go again...down the emotional gurgler.
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I understand Eggshells
Written by
girlfriend
4. Nov 2008 02:33 PM
Yes I also feel numb and shut down sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it's the only way to cope. I don't know if anyone else feels like this but I feel like I can't express my feelings. If I'm sad or anxious or mad about something I feel like I can't share it with him coz it makes his depression worse. Then I feel guilty for contributing to the problem. I feel like I support him and give so much of myself that there is nothing left.
My boyfriend has very severe depression and anxiety. I spent many days worrying I'd come home and find him dead. It has completely shot my nerves and now I am suffering from anxiety and have been having panic attacks. Who knew it was contagious?
Has anyone got any advice about how to support our loved ones without compromising our own mental health to do it?
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Understanding and Acceptance
Written by
rossi
18. Nov 2008 12:00 AM
I admire you all for being able to stick it out with your loved ones. I on the other hand could not. I was existing not living, whilst with my partner.
He spent his time in our relationship in avoidance rather than being proactive. I on the other hand tried to get him motivated, supported him, encouraged therapy, helped him eliminate his addictions etc. Many of the changes he made were for me not for himself. Therefore success was only for a short period of time.
Unfortunately, the penny dropped when I broke off the relationship. Since then, he has put effort into understanding and accepting what he has. He is currently responsible with his medication and therapy.
I still love my ex and accept him, I am his friend. I have always stated it is not his fault and I believe he is an incredible person. Since the break up, I am a better supporter and I don't become exhausted or a wreck as I can protect myself from burn out.
It was the hardest decision in my life as I truely loved him and wanted to marry him. The break up motivated my ex to seek help and start being proactive with his illness. He is actively in therapy and has had to change medication to a more suitable range.
I am so proud of the changes he has made and that he is fighting to live for himself. Although these changes are fairly recent, they are his choices and he is finally doing it for himself.
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